Have you ever crashed, burned and just kept crashing? Well, I have. And it makes you feel like you’ll never be able to pick yourself up after failure.
Between struggling with my wellbeing, quitting job after job (after job) and morphing into a person I barely recognize, it has been hard to keep my head above water. And honestly, some days I can barely even do that.
So, what do you do when you feel this way?
What are you supposed to do when you’ve felt the panic, you understand the anxiety, you’ve sought professional help, and you’re earnestly trying but can’t seem to make any headway?
The answer: Keep adjusting. Keep trying. Keep believing.
Because, you are so worth fighting for.
And, believe it or not, you can pick yourself up after failure.
No, there isn’t a magic pill, but you can keep yourself motivated by using a few techniques to help put things in perspective.
How to Pick Yourself Up After Failure – 5 Tips for Success
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1. If you’re going to fight, fight for yourself
Maybe part of the reason it all seems to be crashing down is because you’ve forgotten to fight for yourself. You’ve gotten caught up in how the world tells you to be and what you’re supposed to do that you suppress your innermost thoughts and feelings trying to guide you.
You’ve been fighting for your career, for your friends or for your “nice big house.” But, you’ve forgotten to fight for the person inside.
That needs to stop. You can’t find lasting success if you cheat yourself on the way there. If you are working at things and for things that don’t align with who you are, it’s not going to work out.
So, ask yourself, who are you fighting for and does it need to change?
What adjustments (yes, even the big scary ones) do you need to make to start living your life true to who you are. Figuring this out and living by those rules will help you set up lasting success.
2. Learn to recognize the depth of your value
We are so lucky to live in a world of innovation and advancement. There is so much good that comes from this. But, there’s also a lot of information that can get skewed in the mix.
With modern society moving at such a fast pace, an ever-increasing amount of worth is placed on money, jobs and things. Often we look to those superficial things (whether we recognize it or not) to help us decipher the value of the people that surround us. Even worse, we look at the money, jobs, and things we possess to help us determine our own value.
When you pick yourself up after failure, it’s important to remember your true worth.
So, let me remind you. Your value in life is not tied to your material things (i.e, money, jobs, stuff). Your value in life is defined through your talents and gifts and how you choose to contribute them to the world around you.
If the adjustments you need to make in order to live in greater alignment with your true self involve you having earning less “prestige” through money, jobs and things, this does not affect your value as a person. In fact, I’d argue that if living true to who you are means leaving behind some of the worldly definers of success shows true integrity. And true integrity is something more valuable than money.
3. Pivot, move, and adjust as many times as you need to
When we talk about the crash and burn it’s easy to get caught up in the end result – wreckage. But, you can’t crash if you don’t move in the first place and you can’t burn if there isn’t a spark to begin with.
In other words, you can’t crash and burn if you’ve never exerted effort. You can’t crash and burn if you never even tried.
So, start shifting your focus.
Instead of lasering in on the wreckage, consider the efforts you took to get going in the first place. What went right before it went wrong? What could you do differently or improve upon? Use the positive pieces as the pivot points and try again.
There is no limit to how much or often you can try again.
Have a cry. Wipe the mascara under your eyes. Get up again.
But seriously, these are my favorite makeup wipes…just in case you legit need some!
4. Understand that being gentle with yourself isn’t failing to be accountable
“How am I supposed to be gentle on myself when I’m such a failure? I don’t follow through. I’ve made a giant mess. I don’t see a way out.
Gentle isn’t how I should respond.”
Ever though something along these lines? Yeah, me too.
In fact, it’s on constant loop when I crash and burn and someone tells me not to beat myself up. But, I’m learning to see it from a different perspective.
What if when people say “be gentle on yourself” what they really mean is “be constructive.” Given the situation, try to be objective and figure out how to learn from it.
By repeating your harsh thoughts over and over you won’t change the situation, but you can do further damage to yourself. So, accept the result of your crash and burn through being constructive with how you got there.
Try to be objective and examine where you went wrong and what mistakes you made.
How did you frame yourself for failure from the beginning? Maybe you didn’t listen to the little voice inside, maybe you weren’t realistic with your expectations, or maybe you should learn to say “no.”
Once you’ve identified the behaviors, consider if they’re habitual. Do they come out in other situations? If so, take some accountability for it. Recognize those shortcomings but not with harshness. Instead, examine them through a desire for real, lasting improvement.
5. There is power in preparation
Honestly, it’s an accomplishment to get to the point where you’re ready to pick yourself up and keep going. But, while it’s valiant to get going and propel forward, it’s wise to do so with a plan.
What are you trying to achieve? What didn’t work out last time? Why?
Planning out how and when and where you’re going to get to where you want to go will help you actually get there.
The beauty of plans is that they help you know where you need to go but they can also be adjusted.
So, make your plan and set up safeguards to help you identify if it’s time to adjust. Check in with yourself weekly or monthly and see where you’re at. Is the plan still working? If not, what needs to change?
Check out these cute notebooks you can write your ideas in:
Yes, You Can Pick Yourself Up After Failure
The good news? After you’ve crash and burned a few times, it gets easier to pick yourself up. The embarrassment doesn’t last as long, the catastrophizing isn’t as dramatic and your world doesn’t stop.
Have hope. Have a plan. Be gentle with yourself. Make your next move.
Have you ever experienced an epic crash and burn? What helped you get through it? How’d your pick yourself back up? Let me know in the comments below.