Want to know what questions to ask before your get married? Here are 100 Questions you should ask before you get married to promote healthy communication and ensure compatibility.
Getting married is a big deal!
And for me, it was also a stressful time.
Between planning the wedding and figuring out things like post-wedding living arrangement, your world can become thrown out of balance.
But, one thing you shouldn’t lose sight of is that while a wedding is a fun thing, it’s the marriage that’s important in all of it.
So, what can you do to help yourself focus on building a foundation for a solid marriage?
For me that was finding ways to keep communication about our relationship (not just the wedding) open and honest.
One way I did this was by purpose asking a ton of questions.
At one point prior to the wedding I came across a list of tons of questions you should ask your partner before marriage.
And, you’d better believe I printed that list out and had a big sit down with my fiancé.
Asking Questions About Daily Life Before Marriage Can Strengthen Your Relationship
At first my fiance thought it was kind of funny that I was reading questions verbatim off a list I got from the internet.
But, soon we both realized the importance of going through them.
Not only did it help us break through some communication barriers. But it really gave us each a deep look at where the other person stand on things.
And it brought up questions and concerns we had never thought about.
While I don’t remember the questions on that list or where I even found it, it was a valuable exercise.
That’s why I’ve created a list of my own – hopefully it can help you out.
While I definitely think it would be beneficial to ask these questions early in your engagement (around the time you get engaged or know you want to marry each other) the list can also be used to check in with each other after marriage.
These questions are meant to be answered by each person and you are encouraged to discuss anything that’s unclear in your responses or additional questions you think up along the way.
You might also find some useful tips in our posts about helping your husband find happiness and what questions to ask when you’re buying your first house.
100 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
- What do you love best about me?
- How do I best show my love for you?
- What makes you feel safe and secure in our relationship?
- Do you have any insecurities about our relationship?
- How could we improve how we show love to each other?
- What makes you most attracted to me?
- Why do you want to marry me?
- Do you expect me to change my last name to yours?
- How should we keep the romance alive once we’re married?
- Should we go on structured dates once we’re married? How often? Who should be responsible to plan them?
- How often should we have sex once we’re married?
- How do we ensure both of us feel fulfilled in the bedroom?
- Do you have (or have you ever had) an STI?
- How many sexual partners have you been with?
- Will we use birth control? What kind?
- What happens if we have an unexpected pregnancy?
- How would you feel if I gain or lose a significant amount of weight?
- How much does my physical appearance impact your feelings about me?
- How would you feel if I went a few days without grooming myself? (i.e, not doing hair, no makeup, no shaving, etc.)
- Is it OK to go out in public in pajamas?
- Are you comfortable being around me without make on, hair done, etc.?
- Do you think it’s appropriate for us to be friends with members of the opposite gender?
- How often should we spend time apart from each other with our friends?
- Do we need to tell each other our exact whereabouts when out with friends?
- How often should we have friends over to our house?
- What happens if you don’t like one of my friends or I don’t like one of yours? How do we handle that?
- Who should be responsible for cleaning the house?
- What is an acceptable standard of cleanliness for our house?
- How often should the house be cleaned? (Kitchen, bathrooms, vacuuming, etc.)
- Who is responsible for doing laundry? (Both clothes and communal items)
- Can I read your emails or go through your phone?
- Can I open your mail and packages?
- How much TV do you watch in a day? Is this acceptable?
- What type of TV shows do you watch?
- Would you turn off a show if I was uncomfortable with it?
- Are you willing to walk out of a movie if I don’t like it?
- Do you play video games? How often? What’s an acceptable amount?
- What should I do if you’re on your phone too much?
- When is it appropriate for me to speak on your behalf?
- How do we plan on maintain open and honest communication with each other?
- Are you willing to go to counselling? (Are you willing to go if I’m the only one that sees a problem?)
- How should we handle frustrations with the other person’s behavior?
- How can we stay respectful to each other during disagreements or arguments?
- Who can we tell about our arguments?
- What happens if I say something you disagree with or dislike when we’re around other people?
- To what extent will we allow others into our troubles?
- When is it appropriate to vent about the other person to a friend or family member?
- How will we divide time between our two families?
- Where will we spend holidays?
- How will we handle disapproving family members?
- How should I react if my spouse and family member are in an argument?
- Do you want to have kids? When and how many?
- Who will get to name the children?
- What last name will the children have?
- Do you feel the kids should be raised by a stay at home parent? Who? Can we afford it?
- Do you want to raise our kids with or without religion?
- Who will be responsible for changing diapers and cleaning up kid related accidents?
- Who will get up with kids in the night?
- What are acceptable methods of disciplining a child?
- Who will be primarily responsible for discipling our children?
- Do you want our children to go to public school, private school or homeschool?
- Should we get a pet(s)? Who would take care of it?
- Do you believe it’s important for us to know each other’s exact financial situation?
- When we become married will we consider money matters to be a joint or separate thing?
- Will we have joint or separate banking accounts?
- How much money do you make?
- How much debt do you have?
- Are you working toward paying off your debt? At what speed and with what method?
- How much savings and investments do you have?
- What is your monthly budget?
- What is your monthly spend in each budget category? (approximate if you don’t budget)
- Do you think that’s a reasonable amount to be spending in each area?
- What are your monthly fixed expenses?
- Do you value spending or saving more?
- What does being financial secure mean to you?
- What things are acceptable to go into debt for?
- How much debt are you comfortable carrying?
- How will we prepare for retirement?
- Who will be in charge of making the budget?
- Who will be in charge of ensuring the bills are paid on time?
- Who will be responsible for what bills (or percentage of each bill)?
- Will we make large financial decisions together?
- What purchases warrant a consultation with the other spouse before buying? (Items or dollar amount)
- What happens if one or both of us loses our job?
- Do you think it’s important to get a will?
- What type of vacations do you want to go on? How will we afford them?
- Where do you want to live? Why?
- What is needed for you to be happy living in the area you live in?
- What kinds of lifestyle do you want to live?
- Do you want to buy a house?
- Do you have any daily habits I don’t know about?
- Do you take any prescriptions I don’t know about?
- Do you currently or have you ever used illicit drugs?
- Do you look at pornography?
- Do you masturbate?
- How often do you drink alcohol?
- How much alcohol consumption is too much?
- Do you have a criminal record?
- What happens if one of use becomes mentally or physically disabled?
- What happens if one of us is unable to work?
Hopefully these discussion questions bring up lots of meaningful talks with your partner. But, if there are some conflicting situations, there’s no time like now to work on your relationship conflict resolution skills.
100 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
While these questions aren’t comprehensive of everything, they’re a great start to opening the lines of communication.
And, when you have open, honest communication with your partner you can develop a deeper sense of who they are and what to expect in your relationship.